Anxiety in the middle of the night

Having lost a loved one very recently, I am realizing there are parts to life one recognizes deep in the mind, which are evasive when all is calm and routine. When life's balance is interrupted by tragedy or unexpected death, or even expected death in the family, the human mind can reel off various triggers as one sleeps. Such a trigger went off this morning, alerting me subconsciously that something was wrong. Then the conscious part of the brain too over and I woke up. Not to forget the incident and in fact share it, I am writing this little entry into the blog.

So what happened? Nothing and that was the problem. For years, I have looked after my 87 year old mom who lives in another city, making sure someone was doing something for her or someone had something planned for her, or I had contacted her and said something to her to please her and make her feel loved.

I woke up in panic mode, thinking I had not done anything for a long time and had let things slip.

She passed away six weeks ago. Lesson? Be there for your parents when they get old. Make sure they are part of your daily routine. They will not be there forever and time moves so quickly! Part of liv'n is dying. We all know that. Also part of liv'n is caring and making sure those who are dying get to enjoy that which remains. We may be less aware of that. Everyone living is dying. We are probably too busy to realize this. There is less urgency in it.

The Last Lecture - reading to identify self and lessons learned

An incredible life journey for a common man with a common life reveals powerful lessons in life. Death of course is part of life. Early death is a tragedy. How do you turn a tragedy into a legacy for your family and friends? It has something to do with attitude. Here are the lessons I embrace from Randy Pausch, the author, who lived a life of only 47 years. I see him very similar to myself, so his book struck home very strongly for me. I hope that you read his book also and finish with a different circumspect vision of yourself as I did. This is the reason this book is so popular. It is a short but not one to be taken lightly.

• Family is foremost in all things. The father and mother play very important roles in a child's life. Being a father is to see that the child gets the opportunity to dream and set his roots into his vision of life, but guided and encouraged by his parents to be his own individual person. A daughter is very special and a good father will recognize that and see to it that she has the relationship needed to eventually embrace life as a woman with strong family and interpersonal values. Who falls in love with your daughter first? It is the father! I too am a member of the "wrapped-around-my-daughter's-finger club". Both sons and daughters learn from team sports, which by the way are not an extension of the parents but a learning experience of the child. Give your children as many opportunities as you can for this indirect learning. It is a "head fake", the type where your children learn what you want them to learn without them knowing it. The relationship of man and wife is difficult to maintain and grow. Direct communication and the realization of gaps is very important. Acceptance of the our mate is paramount to a good relationship regardless of perceived flaws.
• A positive attitude which seeks resolution on issues is like coasting downhill to happiness. Everything else becomes easier. Whining gets one nowhere; no one wants to hear it. When we're done whining, we are not any happier.
• What others think of us is not very important. What we think of others is. Look for the good in others and good will eventually come of it, especially if you specifically note it. Apply this rule to your children. They want to know that you like and appreciate about them. Tell them exactly why.
• Advice to a daughter - watch what the guys do, not what they say. Sweet talkers are a dime a dozen. The good ones operating from the heart are not so numerous.
• Define experience - what you got when you didn't get what you wanted.
• Be personal with people. Write notes by hand. You will be remembered and appreciated much more when picking the right time to write a note by hand. Typing on paper is impersonal. When meeting someone new, invest the time and effort to remember that person. At that time, that person is the most important person in the world to you.
• Give what you receive. Call this "forwarding on". Your rewards will be numerous.
• Preparation is a way to achieve and enjoy. Think ahead and do "what if's". That can improve the quality of your life tremendously.
• There are three parts to an apology. Tell it like it is, not what you want it to be. (1) What did I do wrong? (2) I feel badly for what I did. (3) How can I make it better?
• The truth will set you free. It also sets the stage for others to open up to you. Embrace it as a habit.
• Inventory your childhood dreams and live them. Do not forget them. Set doable goals to achieve them. They are the backbone of your existence.
• Remember your roots and the guiding compass you were given. Every step of the way is influenced by that compass.
• One can live in two cultures, taking the best of the two together. Just identify the best and move on.
• It is alright to be heads over heals in love with someone. Enjoy it.
• We are given a hand to play. Play it!
• The brick wall that we cannot seem to climb over is often our most valued asset. It shows us how badly we want something and when we do manage to scale it, we are much better off for conquering it.
• Humility goes a very long way to acceptance and love. That trait is durable and worth every penny invested in it.
• There are professional and personal legacies to be dealt with in this life. Take steps to ensure you have both in your sight long before you face death so you can look back on it and be consoled when you do eventually pass away. You never know when it will come.
• Early death is not the same as late death but the approach probably should be the same. Treat life as if you have a short time to live. Every day, every hour is important. Manage your time.
• In death, be reassured and give reassurance to those you love that in your passing, part of each person you love also passes with you. You take something of everyone you love with you to the grave. This is good and your family and friends should know that. You are comforted by that little something you take with you.
• Understand that in death there are two types of insurance. The traditional financial kind and the less definable emotional type. Your job is to prepare both for your family.

  you read the book, I suggest watching the video of his actual last lecture: http://www.thelastlecture.com/

If you have read this book, I would love to hear what you learned from it and how you feel about your life relative to it.

Family Reunion - kernel of love, a bridge

I recently went to a family reunion, one that I organized. For years, I was "too busy" to participate in any Christmas gatherings, reunions or the such. I got almost totally out of touch with the larger family and more focused on my wife's family than mine. It had been five years since my family had it's last reunion, and some members of the family I have not seen since that time. So much water has flowed under the bridge since that reunion. This article is intended to describe that bridge and its relevance to today's family. This picture tells the story. Uncle Russ. Is he loved by his nephews or what?

Unfortunately, the last five years has seen the loss of half of my mothers' siblings. One aunt, one uncle and their spouses have passed away. Other relatives on this side of the family have also passed - some young, some elderly. That water will never pass under that bridge again. I have regrets for not asking them many questions and reminding them that I loved them. I had little interaction with them and missed a great deal of my heritage, yet I knew them as if I lived with them. Why is that, I ask? For one thing the relationships were for many decades. Over those decades, we talked many times about our family and heritage - memories, questions, answers.

The base of our relationships over those years has been the kernel of love. You will find it's heart on that old bridge which passes over a river, cutting through the earth for millenniums. As more water passed under it, the water became deeper, just like the love that bonds the family. Since America began, that river has deepened for many families as their relationships developed and ancestries were preserved. In the last century alone, the importance of the family has become much more pronounced in America. Important questions abound on disease inheritance, national bloodline inheritance, and family history. Sometimes, there is a concentration of ancestors in specific areas of this country or another country. We want to meet some of those people. We want to understand where we came from and be able to pass that information to our children and grand children.

I once sought a possible family link in Scotland to only discover that the Scottish clan where I may have had roots, consisted of murderers, thieves and robbers. Later I found that I was not related to them. That gave me a sigh of relief. Now I wish I had some connection like that to pre-American ancestors. We do have some photos 100+ years old to help and some information linking us to very early immigrants. Maybe that will lead me to another place on the other side of the ocean. That could give us some real connectivity with the past.

So after putting this reunion together, I am already planning the next one. We will have one at a historical site of the family rather a contemporary site and do it next year! It will be a learning and bonding experience for everyone.

If you would like to share your family reunion experiences and any advice you have to make excellent bonds within the family, please do so in the attached comment section. I would personally love to hear about your thoughts and experiences. I am sure my readers would as well.

My own advice? Listen to the flow of the water. Stand on that bridge and gaze into that water. Don't think it too difficult to see into the water nor that it is not valuable to capture what passes by. You won't be disappointed. Like my aunt said, "I love my family." It is our heritage, our blood, our past. Whatever happens there, it happens. Family is important to our children and our children's children. Embrace and protect your heritage. There may be skeletons in the closet but the reality is there, so do not divorce the family if there are dark kept secrets. Knowing empowers us to have good health and take measures assuming that we inherit the good and bad traits of our ancestors. Computer software is available to document and share knowledge. Old photos can be reproduced easily. Chances are that one family member knows how to use the software and to doctor old photographs and make them available to others.Sometimes we find relative information in newspapers. Other times, in relative's storage boxes.

Preparing for Hurricanes - Woodlands edition

Having lived in The Woodlands for 12 years does not make me an expert on hurricanes here; neither does living on the coast for my entire life, but after experiencing a few of them as a victim and as a spectator, I am ready to share what I know and what I do to prepare for them.

First, a hurricane is just a routine summer event around here. It's like being at a shooting range and being the target. You think one of the shooters might hit you, so you dodge your head or jump to the side. Or you see someone with a shotgun - then you just get the heck out of Dodge! We expect hurricanes. We plan for hurricanes. We rarely get the heck out of Dodge, because we live in this place, and we want to be with our possessions when the high winds come.

Sure, we live far away from the coast. But I tell you what. I can drive down there in a little over a couple of hours! We are not that far away from the worse of a storm. Although out of harm's way for tidal surges, we are in a prime wind threat area, including tornadoes and flooding. People say, I have never seen it flood here. Then one or two who have lived here their whole lives step up to say, "remember the flood of 1994?". Personally, I have not lived here long enough to vouch for the few floods in this particular area, but in the general area I live, Southwest Texas, I can testify for flood conditions many times, whether it be a tropical storm or just a tropical thunderstorm. The flood of 1994 was caused by a torrential rain from a tropical storm - 30 inches of rain in Magnolia Texas flooding the nearby watersheds and affecting Spring Creek flooding.

In any summer, we basically live in the tropics where water comes from the sky in torrents like Noah's flood. We live next to a creek that sends the runoff water to Lake Houston. That exit is limited. The creek turns into a huge running lake, dammed up by excess water. It has no where to go except up and then it spreads spatially to the lowest places it can find, like any flooding river or spring. I have reviewed the local area for flood vulnerability. Water will collect in low spots and along the main exit arteries such as Spring Creek. I live on ground 165 feet above sea level. Much of Grogan's Mill is 20 feet lower; my home is 20 feet lower than the intersection of 2978 and Woodlands Parkway. In case of Noah's flood, I think I will take my tent and canoe up there.

Let's talk about wind. What if Freeport and Southwest Houston was hit directly by a major hurricane? I lived in Southwest Houston when a cat 3 hurricane (Alicia) did that very thing. At landfall, the storm packed 130 MPH winds. The eye passed right over our home. Just a small storm, mind you. By the time it reached us, the winds had subsided to about 80MPH, a Cat 1. Trees fell and power went out. My automobile was trapped inside tree rubble, and I could not leave the house until it was cleared. Further to the east and north (the dirty side of any storm), in the Spring area, homes were without power for two weeks for some people. Trees fell in many places. That damage was only from tropical storm winds in this area! We had about 90 MPH winds in Southwest Houston and here about 70 MPH with higher gusts. People living in Spring at that time remember it well. Just ask them. There is a discussion on the topic at Weather.com by Dr Stephen Lyons.

Let's take a cat 5 storm with winds of 180 MPH striking the coast at the same place. Houston would be a disaster zone. The tidal wave would reach all the way to Loop 610. So water would not exit the rivers and streams very easily as long as the effect of the tidal surge was so high. Assume for the moment that the storm is moving fairly fast, say 12 MPH. That would give us about 8 inches of rain. If it was moving at 5 MPH, we would have about 20 inches of rain, all within about one day. Now that would have some noticeable effect! Flooding would be terrible.

My basic fear in this area is the wind. We could see winds of some 120 MPH in such a storm. Pines are like twigs in such a wind. The problem is not the velocity itself, because a pine can withstand that wind force. The problem is the shifting directions of the wind causing an entire tree to snap in two, just like whipping a brittle stick. I have seen that result here in routine thunderstorms. One thunderstorm caused a downdraft that brought a large pine crashing down on a neighbor's home and it sliced the home into two sections. Have you ever researched what a tree weighs? If you have ever cut one down, you realize that they weigh tons, literally. See this USDA article on a study of weight vs height. OK then, tons of falling timber on your roof, your car and no telling on what else, would certainly not be safe. I believe everyone would agree on that. That would be a safe bet! And people wonder why some folks evacuated from here to escape from hurricane Rita.

The solution is not to cut down the trees. Our trees are very valuable. If you have ever assessed the monetary value of a tree, you know that insurance does not pay much for them but they may take 50 years to get the size that we have them here. That is a lifetime. In reality, our trees are priceless. They are highly prized in this community. Your tree is mine and mine is yours. They are abstractly communal property.

No, the solution is to get the heck out of dodge when you are in harm's way. A shootout at OK corral is not the smart thing to do with your family. They are much more important than anything you have in your home or anything in it. That is why people evacuate.

My advice? Take super hurricanes very seriously and do not risk the health of your family for macho reasons nor for material things. Board your windows. One thunderstorm came through and a tree limb was blown out of a nearby tree through one of our windows. Shattered glass was everywhere in the room where we normally watch TV. If my children had been in there watching TV, they could have been killed by that shrapnel. As it was, they were upstairs at the time and we were busy doing chores in the house. I thank God that he taught me that lesson without harming my family. Now, the blinds and curtains are drawn for thunderstorms. For hurricanes, tape the windows. The amount of damage that a sliver of glass can cause is proportional to the velocity of the wind that blasts it through the air. Make sure everything outside is picked up. The winds can take plastic chairs and easily hurl them a hundred feet. Your neighbor could be the victim. A bird feeder could be hurled through a window. Make sure the trees are trimmed away from the house. You don't want tree limbs crashing against your home. They may just take the siding off the home.

These are other precautionary measures one should consider. If you go on vacation in August or September, assume your home will be hit by a hurricane. Don't leave it as it was. Leave it as you want to find it when you return. My advice is to expand this beyond hurricane season because Fall and Spring cold fronts often bring similar threats to your home.

OK then, you did not evacuate and decided to face the storm. I hope you have candles, water, batteries, flashlights, canned goods (you might also consider a manual can opener which does not require electricity), butane or propane gas and a generator. Always fill up one car with gasoline if not all of your automobiles. That gasoline can come in handy of you need to leave or you need it simply for storage of extra gasoline to use in the generator. A gas BBQ would be great under such an emergency, especially if you depend on electricity for cooking. You should have first aid kits(s). I have plywood ready to nail to the house should I need it. Remember, an ambulance may not be available to you. A firetruck may not be available to you. Plan for the worse and hope for the best. The stores tend to run out of it quickly. It is miserable to have a long power outage. Mosquitoes, humidity, continuing rains after the storm all contribute to a raw ugly living standard for days. If water cannot be delivered, that makes it even a worse situation. Communications may be lost. Have a book or two available, you may need some reading material. Most of all, keep track of all the little ones and the pets. Wandering off in a disaster cannot be tolerated. Have an way to get emergency news. A battery operated radio could be quite useful.

I listened to the news via short wave in Corpus Christi when we decided to weather out Hurricane Carla. In retrospect, my dad played the odds and was macho in his approach to that storm. Had it turned into Corpus Christi, the storm surge would have put our home 15-20 feet under water. I am glad I did not know that then. It was a fun adventure for our family but could have been the end of us.

One useful reference to understand the frequency of storms just to our south may be this link, looking at Freeport Texas.

Local emergency preparation information can be found at the Community Associations site.

Play it cool. The chances of being hit my such a major storm is small. Know that you are ready and not be panicky when threatened. Decide when you will leave and follow your plan.

Barking Dogs in The Woodlands Texas - How to remedy

Technology is making a difference and giving residents new options to resolve issues with neighbors, especially with dogs that incessantly bark and interrupt sleep or lower the quality of living in the household. In no residential neighborhood is it acceptable for a domestic animal to be the cause of insomnia or inability to concentrate on activities within the home. Here in The Woodlands, we expect a quiet place to live, especially inside the home. So what can be done about a barking dog? Call the police? Nope. They should come only as a last resort, so I will give you some proven remedies to try before you would do this. There is no ordinance for this in The Woodlands or in Montgomery County, and it looks like there is no need for an ordinance to control this issue. If someone's dog barks, I recommend trying a new device. I think I would not even talk to the neighbor, just do it. Stressing relationships over a dog's bark is not required and not desired. Save yourself from conflicts with your neighbors. But if it comes to that, I will give some more advice later about an available service that could help with that issue in this article.

We have had no-bark collars available for years now, but that is a cruel way to try to quiet an animal. Electric shocks are not a natural way to control a bark. We now have a more natural means to do this, by sound. There are two methods that I know about.

One such method is new a new technology that was introduced to me by a neighbor. It is a birdhouse! Yes, I fell over too when she told me that. I sort of smiled and said, what did you have to drink this morning? Well, I guess that was not the thing to say. She was simply beaming with new found joy about this birdhouse. OK, I said, since she was being serious and so happy, how does this work? It emits a high frequency noise response to a dog's bark. It is directional, so when the dog barks, it is not responding to other animals which might also be affected by the response. The barking was killing me! she said. Now, the dog doesn't seem to make a sound. The neighborhood is quiet again and the dog is apparently outside the same amount of time. It would not shut up before!

Knowing this and having visited the supplier's website, as this neighbor suggested, I have discovered a new product that looks like a birdhouse, blending in the environment perfectly. What a perfect solution for The Woodlands. It is suggested that the batteries for it be purchased from the same source unless you have some 9v batteries hanging around the house somewhere, unused.
Ultrasound Dog Bark Birdhouse

OK, so you now have a problem with your neighbor. You went to the neighbor complaining and got into an argument about this or you said, "I should not have to buy one of these. It is your fault that I am having this problem and you should fix the problem!" Oops. Now you have to mend the fences so to speak, and you need some help with this. If you do need help out of this situation, there is a service in Conroe to mend problems with any person-to-person issues where you and the person cannot resolve your issues alone. Don't feel alone in this. It happens all the time.
Montgomery County Resolution Center

Now you say all of this has not worked out for you. You have taken all steps in your power to fix the problem and the neighbor will not take responsibility for his action or non-action. You are determined to get something done about this problem! Now you should document everything your have done, document the noise, and call the sheriff at the non-emergency number. They will be glad to talk to your neighbor about being a public nuisance. The noise must be greater than 85db to be able to accuse your neighbor of breaking this law. Otherwise, you are just able to get help from a law enforcement officer with the problem by him just knocking on the door. He has significant law breaking issues to deal with, so please do not call him out unless you really try to fix the problem yourself and have run out of alternatives.

Car Watch Program : prevent auto theft and burglary - Living Advice in The Woodlands Texas

This program is actually a Texas program. It is sponsored by the Texas Department of Transportation. The Sheriff department and other law enforcement agencies here cannot stop an automobile without due cause unless the owner provides those agencies with permission to stop the vehicle without cause. This particular provision of state law is to help law enforcement officials catch auto thieves. The Texas Auto Burglary & Theft Prevention Authority registers vehicles through a process known as H.E.A.T. to enable law enforcement officers to suspect the vehicle is stolen between the hours of 1AM and 5AM if the car is on the road during those hours. So if you do not regularly use your vehicle between those hours and wish your car to be more visible as a possible theft, you would use this service. 1-800-CAR-WATCH or register online at H.E.A.T. This process also enables cars to fall under suspicion at the Texas Mexico border, so don't be surprised if they stop you at the border and ask additional questions or proof of ownership if the related decal is displayed on your vehicle. That is a good thing to help protect your property! A quote from the the state website: "A car is stolen in Texas every five and a half minutes. More vehicles are stolen between 1:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. than any other time." Montgomery County participates in state wide efforts to identify and catch car thieves. It is called the Montgomery County Auto Theft Task Force. There has been a big drop in reported stolen vehicles for Texas since 2001, indicating the program is working. Also, Texas has a 74% recovery rate for stolen vehicles compared to 63% nationally. Some cars are more prone to be stolen that others. Lately, the Acura has been one of the more desired vehicles by thieves. ALso to understand that as many as 25% of 4-wheel vehicles on the road in Mexico are stolen. Mexico allows vehicles to cross into their country without being checked. Almost every vehicle that has been stolen is identified as being stolen after crossing using border surveillance equipment by the law enforcement agencies. But that does not mean the car is recoverable. Leaving your keys in your car is a class "C" misdemeanor. You can be fined up to $500 for doing so. Insurance will not pay you for damages to your car if the keys are in it. It is also a felony to operate a car without the owners permission. Keep that in mind when you borrow someone else's car. The old saying, "three strikes and you are out" applies to this. Three felonies and you lose your privileges. A related program is sponsored by this state agency - HLT, or HIDE LOCK TAKE. This program particularly pertains to The Woodlands residents. This program requests that residents help law enforcement officials by hiding your things in the car, locking your the doors to your car, and taking your keys out of the car when you leave it. Burglaries are a constant threat and an auto0moible parked in a driveway of a home is a target for mischief and theft when these precautions are ignored. Other related advice is to not park too close to the auto in front of you. Think "I need space to get out if confronted by a thief or threatened by suspicious persons nearby." Give yourself the option to leave in a bug hurry if you need to do so. While we are at this, the Sheriff's department recommends that people in this county use steering wheel locks. They are a deterrent to thieves.

• Web Link to Texas Auto Burglary and Theft Prevention Authority
• H.E.A.T. Web link

How to externally clean a home of mildew and algae in The Woodlands Texas

If you live in The Woodlands under the canopy of the forest, you know that mildew and algae begs you to take action about once every year. You either call your local yard cleaning crew or give a call to a power wash specialist. You have a black driveway, green foundation, green fence and probably green siding on your home. The association may have given you a letter saying "please clean it", or your neighbors have said something like, "the color of your house is interesting", meaning of course "clean the .. thing, why don't ya!"

The good news is that it is not that difficult to do yourself. The driveway might be the toughest part if you do not have a power washer. Many have their own power washer here, so they can spend a half a day making it look good again. The professionals have a driveway washer with brushes and a power spray washer to speed up the process.

To clean your home, all you need is a ladder, a hand pump one gallon sprayer, a bottle of house bleach, a container of JOMAX concentrated house cleaner and mildew cleaner from a local hardware or building supply company. You would benefit from having a water pressure sprayer to put on your garden hose. It needs to have a narrow spray pattern so you can reach the roof of your home. I am able to spray the entire house from the ground, with the exception of one section where I climb the roof. I do the entire house in one-half day.

Put 4 cups bleach and 1 cup of JOMAX in the sprayer and add water to the one gallon marker. It is ready to go. Pump it up and spray 150 sq foot or so, letting it sit for 15 minutes. While waiting, spray some of the next section. Rinse the first section down using intense pressure, and you will probably need to repeat step one again by spraying parts of the first section with the solution again if it is truly green to start. I find myself giving almost the entire section a second treatment. Repeat the process until the entire house is completed. You can treat the windows just like they are part of the siding. Then you have a clean house except for the driveway, fence and concrete foundation. I treat the air conditioner, gas pipes and essentially everything outside with the solution. This year I tried an alternative to JOMAX - Damprid Concentrated House Cleaner. It worked just fine in the same proportions.

So what about plants? Just wet them down before you start spraying. Yes, there will probably be some bleaching of broad leafed plants, but I have yet to lose a plant from the treatment. If you have very sensitive plants, then go ahead and cover them. After you have completed the cleaning, be sure to clean out your bird feeder, dog bowls or anything that may threaten your pets or wildlife with residue from the clorox.

The additional good news is that this solution works for fences as well Use the same method and you can get quite good results. I have good luck using the same method on my concrete back porch as well.

But the driveway is typically another beast!I use only a power washer for that. It takes considerably more time and effort. So if you are going to hire this done, hire the driveway part. I usually treat the driveway with the solution also but have never noticed that it has done any good whatsoever. I also like to use a power washer at the base of the foundation where the mold and algae seem to never die. I do that every couple of years. While you at it, please clean the street and gutters in front of your house of the mildew there. One of our objectives here is to maintain the street view of the home, to keep the neighborhood clean as a unit. Black gutters leaves the appearance of dirtiness. It is up to residents to make their home pleasing to the eye. I power wash the street as well and believe it or not, the street is white underneath all that stuff.

That about wraps it up. I would caution anyone from using a power washer on wood siding and up under the eaves. You can damage the wood easily with a power washer. The chemical method is much less of a threat to the materials than the power washer which can strip the paint right off the house.